


I would be nothing without you

by ElphieRiaAddams



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Dark, Episode: s04e01 Tempus, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:03:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1618604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElphieRiaAddams/pseuds/ElphieRiaAddams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of 4x01. John had truly lost his mind. She could see that now. All that was left of the man she once loved was a tortured and truly dark soul. And she thought that this time, it might truly be the end...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I would be nothing without you

**Author's Note:**

> So... hi. This is my first story on here and what a way to kick it off. This story is really dark and no doubt full of triggers so sorry. I have a bad habit of putting my favourite characters into really awful positions. So, sorry but hope you... enjoy(?!?!)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or storylines from Sanctuary, and am merely borrowing them for a while.

Helen was terrified. She had known that John was not himself, especially not recently, but she had not realised how unhinged her truly was now. However, facing him in the room by herself was perhaps not the best idea she realised as he stalked towards her and she began to slowly back away. The terror doubled as Helen noticed him produce a knife seemingly from no-where.  
"John, that's enough, stop it."  
"But why should I?" John's deep gravelly voice, which once sent shivers of desire down her spine, now spent shivers of fear instead.  
"John, I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to..."  
"Didn't mean to what, my dear? Didn't mean to accuse me of murdering those whores?"  
"No I... John please." 

Helen stopped abruptly as her back hit the cabinet she had known was behind her. Whilst trying to keep his attention on her face, which was no longer hiding the fear she felt at his approach, Helen reached behind her and silently slid open the drawer that she knew held her revolver. Reaching into the velvet lined drawer, Helen felt a stab of fear as she couldn't find the gun.  
"Now now Helen... you don't think that bringing out that little gun of yours would do you any good? By the time you brought it around, I would happily be able to slice through your jugular vein, right, around, your, neck."  
Helen leant back as John leant further into her personal space, using his height to crowd over her and Helen could feel the intimidating actions working; she felt to be small and vulnerable next to him, particularly with no weapon and the hindering layers of skirt in her dress. 

"John, please don't do this, you'll regret this."  
"Oh I don't think I will regret doing anything with you my dear. You see, you are still my fiancée after all, and there's nothing to say that I can't just take what I want from you now and leave. After all, why would I go to some whore for what I can take from you?"  
"John no, don't do this."  
"You know Helen, you are sounding extremely repetitive and negative tonight. I think I need to shake you out of this funk of yours."  
John raised the knife to Helen's chin, using the blade to guide her chin up and expose her neck, before sliding the knife down and caressing her neck with the cold steel. His other hand slid around her waist and pulled her tight against him, whilst pushing her further into the cabinet. Helen's breath hitched and she could feel her pulse racing, something she was sure that John could also notice. Indeed, the predatory gleam she saw in his eye told her all she needed to know.

"You did it, didn't you?"  
"Did what Helen? You know, for an educated woman, you really are at a loss of words tonight."  
"You killed all those women. You murdered those poor girls in Whitechapel."  
"Now Helen, what have I told you before about that active imagination of yours? It's not polite for a young woman like yourself to make up such spurious lies about her male superiors."  
"Superiors? Who do you think you are John?"  
For a moment, Helen forgot about the knife at her neck in her indignation, but John soon reminded her of its presence as he pressed it into her neck, tipping the edge of the blade just enough to break the skin.

"Jo...hn," Helen gasped in pain, and suddenly realised quite how dangerous the situation was. She wished that James would soon return to the house, as she knew that he was due to arrive in the next hour or so. She just hoped that he wasn't too late.  
"John, what do you want?"  
"Want Helen? Why, I want exactly what every red-blooded male would want from his fiancée."  
"Fiancée? John, if you think we're still getting married-"  
"Ah, ah, ah Helen, now are you sure you want to finish that sentence?"  
Helen fumed silently for a moment before bowing her head submissively.  
"I'm sorry John."  
"Good. However, I do believe that I may need a demonstration of how sorry you are."  
"John?" 

Helen looked up and only saw lustful power in John's eyes as they roved her body, making her feel naked under his gaze.  
"Helen, we both know you are hardly a wilting wallflower. Now, whilst I've not been here for the past few weeks due to business, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that you had been taking James, or indeed Nikola, to your bed instead."  
"What? I would never-"  
"Oh come now Helen, there's no need to be coy. I've seen how much they adore you, and I know you care for them both deeply."  
"As friends John. I can't believe you would even think it possible that I would disregard my duties as your fiancée, even if were for one of my friends. They've certainly treated me better than you in the past couple of weeks."  
"See, you admit it!"  
"I did not John. And if you think I would truly go to bed with either of them, then you are sicker than I thought. I thought you knew me."  
"Oh I know you alright." John leant into her ear and began to whisper as he took his hand from her waist and instead trailed his fingers along the neckline of her dress.

"I know your deepest desires and your deepest fears. I know that you love being treated like a princess in public but a little slut in the bedroom."  
"John!" Helen would have been far more scandalised if she wasn't so petrified now. She knew that she could hold her own against angry Abnormals or lewd drunken men, but John was too close to her. Like he said, he knew her deepest secrets and she had no idea, particularly now that he seemed to have lost all reason, how he would react to her.  
"Now Helen, I do believe it is time to test your duties as my fiancée. Like you said before, I have been rather remiss in making sure to have you tend to my needs for the past few weeks."  
"John, I will not... I no longer consider you my fiancé. How can I after what you have done tonight?"  
"You are trying to break our engagement?" John sounded incredulous, as though he couldn't understand her words.  
"Yes John, I am. I no longer want to marry you."  
"Well that is a shame. Because now, instead of taking my beautiful fiancée to bed, I suppose I shall just have to take this wanton whore I find before me instead." 

"What? No John, let me go, what are you doing?"  
John gripped Helen's arm tightly whilst keeping the blade to her neck as he pulled her away from the cabinet.  
"I believe it is time to relocate this somewhere more private."  
Without another word, Helen felt John pull her along as he teleported them both. Looking around, Helen looked in horror as she saw that they were now in her bedroom.

"John, I want you to leave this instant."  
"I don't think I shall. Now, get over onto the bed."  
John took the knife away from Helen's throat and pushed her towards the bed. Helen tripped on the edge of her skirt and tumbled forward, landing heavily on the bed before quickly turning over and scrambling backwards to get as far away as possible from John who was stalking towards the bed.  
"Now, you know that it is no use to call out, there is no-one here to save you. So if I were you, I would keep your pretty mouth shut, otherwise it could get rather nasty for you."  
"John please, stop this, I can help you."

"Oh, now that is a new one. What are you going to do Helen, lock me away in the cellar like you do all the other dangerous creatures. Or perhaps just kill me; an act of mercy? Either way, I don't believe I fancy those choices."  
"We could treat you. We helped Nikola, we can do the same for you."  
"I doubt that. You see, Nikola always was a weak one but me, I've always had this dark side, just waiting to be ignited. In some ways, it's a shame it took so long, it has been such a pleasure the last few months. So no Helen, I will have to graciously turn down your offer of medical help. However I do believe you could offer your services in another way, and that would greatly help me, and possibly save your life."  
"I won't, I'm sorry John but get out now."  
"And like I said before, I like this room too much to leave. You remember those little hooks we added one time when we were feeling rather adventurous?"

Indeed Helen did. When John had begun to change, Helen tried to allow him more chance to explore his personality in the bedroom, and it had led to the discovery of some rather deviant sexual encounters. Whilst some of them Helen had greatly enjoyed, others had terrified her to the bottom of her soul, much like she was now.  
"Now you will see just how much more you have to learn about being in the bedroom with a true man, not the little boy that Nikola is."  
"John, I promise you, Nikola and I never-"  
"You can say whatever you want to try and deny it, but I've seen the way he looks at you and that is not the look of friendship. And I doubt you've missed it my darling."  
"Stop it John, just stop it."  
"No Helen, I shan't. And it's time for you to learn your place with me."  
John knelt on the edge of the bed and grabbed the hem of Helen's dress, pulling sharply on the skirts and powerfully pulling the material away from her corset.

"John! Let me go!"  
"Helen, if you cannot learn to remain silent then I will have to teach you using some aids."  
John climbed onto the bed and grabbed Helen's legs before she could kick out at him, trying to stop him from getting any closer.  
"Helen, that's just impolite. And you know much better how to be a proper lady. Or have you forgotten all your lessons in your time in the dark with all your monsters?"  
"They're not monsters John. They need help and I'm there to give it."  
"Oh yes, I'm sure we both know what type of 'help' you offer to them."  
"John, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I've only ever slept with you."  
"Then it's rather apt that I get the chance to be your first and last."  
"What? John no, please."  
"I love it when you beg Helen. You should know how much I love it when you beg Helen. And perhaps, if you beg prettily enough, then I might spare you. But only on the grounds that you will not come after me once I leave you."  
"John, I cannot promise that. If you continue to kill people, then I will have to intervene."  
"Then I suppose I will have to teach you not to interfere with me. And there's only one way I know how to stop you from doing such silly things."  
"No John, you can't."  
"But I can. Now, you can either do this the easy way, or I can take what I want from you."

Helen remained silent, feeling his hands pressing her legs into the bed.  
"I'll take that as your answer then."  
With a sudden burst of power, John surged forward, pulling Helen down the bed before lying himself out on top of her to completely cover her body. Helen felt him grab her wrists and roughly pull her arms above her head. Reaching behind him, Helen felt John pull one of his suspenders from his trousers and wrap it tightly around her wrists and onto the hook. Once he was happy that she was secured, John sat back on his haunches and stared down at her. Presented the way she was, Ria felt like he could see through her clothes and straight through to her naked body, and she tried to pull her arms down to cover herself.

"Ah ah ah, I don't think so Helen. Now, I think you need to learn who is in charge."  
Using his brute power, John flipped Helen whilst she remained under him. Now lying face down, Helen's face turned scarlet as he ripped away all her undergarments. Pulling his belt out from his trousers, Helen could hear the leather squeak as he folded the belt in half and took it strongly in his hand.  
"One last chance Helen."  
"John please, don't!"

John didn't reply, instead, he drew his arm back. As his hand got behind his head, Helen buried her face into the pillow, knowing that screaming out would mean she would be punished more severely. John had punished her in a similar vein before and whilst she hated such actions, she had learnt how to make it easier for herself when he was in one of his moods.

The whistle of the belt came only moments before the crack of the belt meeting her bared buttocks. The pain took a few moments to come to the fore but when it did, Helen gasped from the pain. John did not give Helen the chance to recover, but instead began rapidly whipping Helen's backside with the belt.  
"God John, stop it please!"  
"Not until you say you'll let me go."  
"John… please."  
John continued to whip Helen until she could feel her backside burning with heat from the beating.

"John please, you'll slice me open if you don't stop."  
"Then so be it. You should know by now Helen, if I truly am who you think I am, then I am not averse to slicing open whores."  
Helen was stunned that John had associated her with such immoral activities and knew, just somehow knew in her soul, that John was lost to her and he had been replaced by the vile creature that was Jack the Ripper.

Helen gasped as John landed a particularly vicious lash across her backside and brought herself back to the reality of her situation. Unless she somehow could calm him down, Helen knew there was a high chance of her ending the evening with her throat slashed open by the blade of her ex-fiancé.  
"Jo... hn."  
"What is it Helen?"  
Helen hated how weak she sounded, and hated it even more when she heard the crow of victory in John's tone.

"P...please stop this now. Stop it and-"  
"And what? You'll let me go? Now Helen, surely you should know better than to lie to me. Where have all those proper manners gone? The same place as your pride apparently but nevertheless, I do believe that I told you that I will not tolerate being lied to."  
Helen heard the dark edges to his voice and cringed in thought of what was in store for her on that dark night.

***

"James, would you hurry up?" Helen was bored of sitting in the corner. She had been reliving her history for the past three weeks and still could not settle. So she had volunteered to help James with his ongoing investigations, but she had forgotten quite how little respect women had in this era and she had subsequently been side-lined by the police-force once again.  
"Helen Bancroft, what on earth has gotten into you this evening?"  
"I... it's nothing. I simply would rather not be standing in the cold corridors of this police station for much longer."  
"Very well. I suppose it's unlikely that Jack will attack another woman tonight anyway. If, from what I can discern is right, then he will have a few days before he feels the urge to kill another."  
"I wouldn't be so sure," muttered Helen under her breath, thinking that James had turned his attention from her.  
"What was that Helen?"

Helen winced as she knew he'd heard her clearly.  
"Just something I shouldn't have mentioned."  
"And yet you did. Which makes me think that it may be something which I play a part in. And the only thing I can think could be of an influence as such is something to do with younger Helen. But she is safely at home this evening. She had work which vitally needed her attention, it is why we are here in the first place."  
"I know that, but, oh never mind. I think we should return to the Sanctuary and finish this discussion in private."

James could see the grim acceptance in Helen's eyes and knew that this event was something he was unlikely to forget for a long time, indeed perhaps ever.  
"Very well Helen. Shall we hail a cab?"  
Stepping outside into the dark night, the two figures both were anxious to return to the sanctuary that evening, although perhaps with different motives.

***

"John, no! You're hu-argh!"  
Helen felt as though she had finally broken. His 'punishment' had led to him removing a knife from his pocket and frantically slicing all of her remaining clothing off of her. Helen had mourned the loss of her most functional corset for a moment before she felt the stinging white-hot pain of John's knife slicing into the flesh just above her buttocks.

Now, Helen was lying painfully on her back covered in small cuts and lacerations, and her blood was smeared all over her body, the bed sheets and John. Looking fearfully up at John, Helen saw only pure glee in his features at her suffering. For some reason, Helen was no longer scared of her vulnerability to his sexual assault, but her fear was all focussed on the knife held securely in John's hand. Helen didn't see any positive outcome to this scene as she knew that no-one would miss her that night at least.  
"I think you may have learnt your lesson now Helen."

John's tone was that of a father to his disobedient child who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, not that of a masochistic serial murderer with a penchant for butchering London whores.  
"Y-yes John, I have."  
"Good." The leer in John's eyes exacerbated Helen's fears about her fate.

"John you've taken what you want from me; you've gained your revenge on me. Now leave, leave me be."  
"Now Helen, you should know better than to try and weasel your way out of this. We both know you didn't give your assurances on you leaving me alone so I cannot leave yet. For I do not doubt that the moment that I do you will turn on me and hunt me down like some sort of rabid animal."  
"John no, I won't, not this time."  
"You promise to leave me be."  
"I... I promise not to come looking for you in London"

Helen hoped that her turn of phrase would go unnoticed by John in his current state of mania and thankfully it did.  
"Very well Helen, In that case I will-"

***

John never got the chance to finish his sentence as the door was thrown wide open and someone barrelled straight into John, knocking him clean off Helen and onto the floor. So shocked, John teleported away, but took his attacker with him as it clung tightly to him. Helen watched in shock as the man who had to all intent and purposes tortured her for the evening disappeared and left her alone in her room.

However, Helen was not alone for long as a head popped around the door.  
"James, is that you?"  
Helen hated how broken her voice sounded, her throat dry and laden with the tell-tale tension that belied her past tears.  
"Dear God Helen, what did he do to you?"

James looked at Helen with tortured disbelief in his eyes. Taking her in, James could see the obvious lacerations all over her body, and he did not doubt further injuries he could not see on her back due to the level of staining on the bed. Her hair was a mess of curls thrown around her head and her hands looked to be turning a shade of blue due to lack of circulation thanks to John's impromptu restraints.  
"James please, can you free me?"

James broke free from his evaluation of Helen, noticing for the first time how uncomfortable she was, for good reason. She was lying exposed in front of one of her oldest friends who happened to be male to boot. She tried to shield as much of her body as she could but there was little she could do to hide herself as it hurt to move. James berated himself for somehow overlooking the fact that Helen was lying naked in a bed.

Moving quickly, James approached the bed and pulled the covers from the floor at the end of the bed and covered Helen's body gently to just above her breasts, before kneeling on the edge of the bed to be able to reach the bindings easily and first unattached the suspender from the headboard, and then, once he had gently brought her hands down, unwinding the material from around her wrists. Once they were free, James wordlessly took her hands in his and started gently massaging them to return the blood flow to them as painlessly as possible for her.  
Helen's tears, which had stopped when John had disappeared, returned and she soon felt them running down her cheeks. James saw this and slowly helped her sit up, before pulling her carefully into his embrace.

"Shhh," he murmured in her ear as she continued to cry silently, "you are safe now Helen, I will never let that monster anywhere near you again. I will hunt him down and make him pay for what he did here tonight. That is, if there is any of him left to hunt down."  
"That... creature," sniffled Helen, "what was it?"  
"It was not a creature, but a person. Someone who has a lot invested in your continued survival. She is the one who alerted me that something was amiss here tonight. Without her..."

Both James and Helen fell silent as the dreadful thoughts of what could have occurred flickered through their minds.  
"Nevertheless, I think I should take you downstairs to your infirmary and see to your battle scars. It wouldn't do for you to be seen at the next public gala covered in bright scars would it? I believe that we still have some of that serum your father procured from the Heloximopitan to use to prevent scars."  
"My clothes James, I don't think I can-"  
"Do not worry Helen, I will carry you downstairs, wrapped in this. I somehow cannot see you being able to make the journey yourself as it is thanks to the pain inflicted on you."  
"James I hardly think it necessary."  
"On the contrary Helen, I think it completely necessary."

James began to wrap the blanket more tightly around Helen to ensure she was as covered as possible. Stopping for a moment, James looked Helen straight in the eyes.  
"Helen," he said softly, "I need to know. Did he... force himself on you?"  
"Not tonight James, no." Helen's answer brought both relief and loathing to James' heart. How had he missed the signs that John had attacked his loving fiancée before? How had he missed the mania deep in the mans' soul?

***

A flash of light disrupted the gloom of the dark alleyway in Whitechapel as two figures appeared out of no-where, crashing to the cobbles as they landed, fighting tooth and nail.  
John eventually managed to get the upper hand and flipped his attacker under himself and quickly straddled it's waist, holding it down tight.  
"You little-"

John's sentence caught in his throat as he caught sight of the face that had previously been hidden behind a vale of long dark hair.  
"Helen, how..."  
"Get off me this instant John."

The Helen he was crouched over bared little resemblance to the woman he had just been spending 'quality time' with. Her hair the most noticeable feature, her voice was hardened towards him, with a venom he had never heard from Helen before, her face was more angular than that of the woman he had just left, and her eyes... Her eyes held so much pain and anger that John had to look away. There was far too much anguish visible in those eyes for any one person to have possibly experienced in the amount of years that Helen had lived. So John quickly understood that this was not his Helen, not the woman he had just so gleefully been attacking.

"I will not let you loose until I have some answers. First, why do you share a face with my fiancée?"  
Helen snorted as he used the term and he saw the anger burn more deeply than ever.

"Fiancée? Like hell will I ever marry you John. You are a coward, and a monster, and you don't deserve me."  
Helen didn't know where this nasty side came from, but she realised that she had been bottling up her anger towards John over the years and after his ridiculous actions of teaming up once again with Adam Worth to simply be able to bed her in an environment in which he would win and overpower her. Letting all those emotions run riot in her head, they had been brought to the fore when she had seen him on the bed attacking her. Helen had managed to block out that painful attack years ago and now she was reliving it twice, both in her memories and in real time. 

Lying under John on the rough cobbles, Helen could remember how much pain she had been in for days afterwards physically, and the emotional distress she had felt for months afterwards. She had not been able to understand why John had never reappeared but she had barely slept for months, fearful that he would creep in at night. It was only when she and James had finally entered a form of relationship, which lasted them several decades, that she had felt any sort of reprieve from the nightmares. Lying now under John, Helen realised that she was the catalyst that had caused John's disappearance from her life until the Worth case several years later.

"John, I'm giving you a choice. You can leave London, and leave me, and we'll forget all about tonight. You can live as normal a life as you want as long as you steer clear of Helen."  
"Or...?"  
"Or I end you here, tonight."

John laughed in her face, amazed that the woman he had so easily overpowered genuinely thought she could take him on in a fight.  
"What? Too scared to lose to a woman?"  
"Oh come now Helen, I hardly think that you would be of any sort of match for me."  
"You're right there John; I'm so much better."

The challenge she laid down at his feet was quickly taken up as he raised his fist to strike her. However, Helen saw the move coming and quickly blocked the fist with her free arm. Rolling her hips, Helen bucked her back and sent John flying over her head, before she quickly rolled over and leapt on top of him. Whilst she didn't have the brute strength that John did, she had the advantage of over a hundred years of training in several martial arts, all of which focused on subverting that strength to be a weakness you could exploit.

Straddling John this time, Helen tried to hold him down but he once again pushed her off him and was on his feet in seconds. Helen also stood, preparing herself for a fight. John for the first time could see what Helen was wearing and he was struck by how absurd her outfit looked. She was wearing what looked to be men's long-johns and a black vest underneath a long trench-coat with heavy workmen's boots on her feet.  
His momentary hesitation at her lack of clothing allowed Helen the chance to pounce on him, launching a roundhouse kick at his shoulder which landed squarely, pushing him back into the wall of the alley.

Before John could move again, Helen pushed forwards, launching blows at him as she tried her best to stand her ground. Although John blocked most, she managed to get a few good shots in before he managed to grab her wrists and push her into the other wall of the alley. However, Helen was prepared for that move and used the force to bounce herself back off the wall and push him away. Launching another kick at him, she caught him squarely in the chest, knocking him to the floor. As he fell, she reached into the back of her jacket and pulled a gun out, pointing it at his head as he fell to the ground. 

John looked up at Helen with something akin to fear in his eyes, a sight Helen had not seen for a long time, not since she had been injected first with the source blood. However, that appearance of some form of vulnerability did not weaken Helen's resolve. She had dealt with John's issues too much and was sick of his misogyny and mistreatment of her, and as the memories of what he had done to her that night surfaced, from so long ago in her memory, she was ready to pull the trigger and fix the mistake she had made in letting him live the first time round.  
However, a small voice in her head reminded her that she couldn't kill John, as it would have far reaching effects on her life, particularly in her most recent years.

"John, I am giving you one last chance to leave."  
"What are you?"  
Helen huffed at his amazement at her fighting skills.  
"John, I am not the same Helen you know and abuse so frequently. You would do well to remember that. Unlike Helen, I have experienced far more pain and suffering than her, and I am far less forgiving than my counterpart. So, I give you this final offer. You leave London, you leave her and I alone, and you don't interfere in either of our lives. Do you understand?"

"You are mad Helen."  
"Yes I am John, as are you. But will you accept my offer."  
"Perhaps, but I cannot live without you."  
Brazenly, John stood up with Helen's pistol still aimed at his head.

"John, no longer will I allow you to manipulate me to your gains and my suffering. No longer will you harm me or molest me. And no more will I love you. Don't you see, you pushed me over the edge tonight; I did nothing to deserve what you gave me, and yet you still treated me like one of your murdered whores. Oh yes John, I know it was you, I always have in a way. You were far too violent to be allowed to remain free in public, I realise that now. But I'm giving you one last chance. For god's sake, take it John, I don't want to become like you, I don't want to murder someone in cold blood. I will do it if I have to, do not underestimate me, but I do not want to harm you."

Both stood in silence for a few long moments, which felt like an eternity to Helen, when suddenly the scene burst into action. John stepped towards Helen and, reflexively, Helen pulled the trigger. John saw the movement and began to teleport away, but when he disappeared Helen noticed her bullet was also gone.  
"Now it is just like as before," she wondered, realising that whilst the events leading to the confrontation had changed, it still occurred and John Druitt was hopefully out of her life for at least a few years. Turning in the dark alleyway, Helen headed back in the direction of the Sanctuary, suddenly remembering another event from this evening, even though it had not yet occurred.

***

Pushing the door open, Helen silently stalked along the corridors to her old room. Reaching the door, she could hear the faint murmur of voices and the occasional sniffle. Just as she was about to turn away from the door, the door was pulled open and James was standing right in front of her.  
"What are you doing here?" he whispered, evidently trying to keep younger Helen's attention away from the door.  
"I just... I'm needed here, I can feel it. Is she alright?"

James stepped through the door and pulled it shut behind him.  
"She is injured but we managed to heal most of the physical memories. The mental however..." James sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, a tell of how worried he was about Helen.  
"Let me go in there and comfort her."  
"Are you mad? She cannot know you exist."  
"James, at this moment in time she is suffering a minor concussion I believe and is physical exhausted and mentally drained. She will believe I am a figment of her imagination that she created to comfort herself, or that she projected onto someone for feelings of security. She will never know it was me."  
"How do you... you've got memories of this don't you?"  
"I didn't until half an hour ago when I evidently changed the timeline a little. Although, I managed to keep a major part of my timeline intact so nothing else should change. Now, will you let me in?"

James stood in her way for a few moments longer before stepping aside and letting Helen enter her old suite.

Helen knew already where her younger counterpart was hiding from memory. She steeled herself for seeing her younger self and knew that she needed to put on her Magnus facade to be able to cope with her own emotions. Stepping into the suite and then into her private bedroom, where the lights were barely lit, Magnus' heart broke a little as she saw herself curled up in her bed, sobbing into the covers as she lay draped in a light blanket, no doubt provided by James. Magnus smiled softly at his thoughtfulness before stepping forwards. As she reached the edge of the bed, younger Helen seemed to sense the approach.

"James, just leave me be, please."  
"Helen, it's not James."  
Helen startled at the voice, so familiar and yet so different, but Magnus sat on the edge of the bed, not moving any further towards her, nor identifying herself to the younger woman.

"Who are you?" she asked as she tried to turn around.  
"Just someone who cares for you, and who want you to know that you are safe, and above all cherished by all here."  
Magnus moved closer to Helen and slowly pulled the blanket away from her. Helen stiffened and then relaxed as the blanket was pulled away to reveal the full scope of Helen's injuries.

Thankfully she didn't seem to have any major, life-threatening injuries, but Magnus' blood boiled as she saw the many cuts inflicted by John's blade on the previously perfect ivory skin. Her dress was torn to shreds and she was unable to sit up thanks to the pain from her beating. Magnus moved around on the bed to allow Helen to rest her head in her lap, and, with a little coaxing, she did just that.  
Magnus had let her dark hair down to shadow her face some more as she gently stroked Helen's golden hair, trying her best to soothe the desperate woman. She could tell the emotional pain and suffering that Helen was continuing to endure from her body language as it was a feeling she had experienced many times in her 158 years of life so far, and a feeling she would no doubt experience again in her 113 years of seclusion.

Sitting in the dark and the silence, Magnus was content to hold Helen and murmur soft whispers of encouragement in her ear to try and calm her enough to sleep. She eventually did calm Helen a little, but instead of falling asleep, Helen turned her red-rimmed eyes to her.  
"Why did he do it?"

Magnus didn't need to guess at who she meant. And as much as she wished she could tell Helen that there was a reason for John's actions, she feared that she might never know. Instead, Magnus deflected her younger self to more positive thoughts.  
"I don't know, truthfully. But he has done it, and he is now gone. You will not see him for some time, at least time for your heart to heal and enjoy love once more. And you will see things that you have been perhaps a little blind to until now."  
"What does that mean?"

"It means whatever you want it to. Perhaps it means that your Sanctuary will become your life and passion, or perhaps there will be someone you come to care for as you once did for John. Either way, it will be worth it to open your heart and love again. I can't promise that it won't be painful at times, and that you won't suffer anymore, but I can say that I honestly think that it will be worth it."  
"You seem so sure."  
"Perhaps." Magnus knew her cryptic answers would soon infuriate her younger self if they continued to talk, so instead she softly began to sing to her.

_"A naoidhean bhig, cluinn mo ghuth,_  
 _Mise ri d'thaobh, o mhaigdhean bhan,_  
 _Ar ribhinn og, fas a's faic_  
 _Do thir, dileas fein_  
 _A ghrian a's a ghealach, stiuir sinn_  
 _Gu uair ar cliu 's ar gloir_  
 _Naoidhean bhig, ar ribhinn og,_  
 _Mhaighdean uasal bhan"_  


The song, sung by the old to the young, was of comfort and love, and was a song that Helen's mother had sung to her as a small child, once proclaiming Gaelic to be the language of love, not Italian or French. The song had never failed to lull a young Helen to sleep, and Magnus was glad to see it work once again. 

When she was sure that Helen was asleep, she carefully moved the younger woman onto the pillows and made sure she was covered once again in blankets and ready for the evening. Magnus stoked the fire once again and made sure the wood would burn for several hours still. Stepping out the door, Helen rested her head on the panels as she finally let her Magnus mask drop and let a tear fall down her cheek in memory of her distraught younger self. Turning, Helen wasn't surprised to see James standing in the corridor, silently waiting to help either of his Helen's.

"I think I will retire now James. Thank you, for everything."  
"It is I who should be thanking you Helen."  
"No, I was simply doing what I needed to do to ensure my own sanity. You though, you are the pillar of support I have always been able to rely on. I hope you know that she loves you very much James."  
"I do, and I am honoured in her love for me. My love for her seems small in return."  
"Oh James, it is anything but small, I promise you."

Helen smiled tiredly at James before heading down the corridor towards her temporary rooms. Just as she reached the corner of the corridor she turned back to James who still stood in silent vigil guarding Helen's door.  
"Goodnight James. She will need you soon as she discovers what I did years ago and have discovered countless times since over the years, I would be nothing without you." 

**Author's Note:**

> The song I used is called "A Noble Maiden Fair" and is from the Pixar film Brave. Please R&R anything, I love to know if my writing is any good and where I can improve it.


End file.
